"Remember it is okay to feel how you feel then take a big breath and try again. You are strong!"

Thursday was tough. I cried a lot. I cried for what I'm leaving, and I cried for what I don't know that is in front of me. I don't like the feeling of not being in control, and right now I feel like so many things are out of my control. (Does that mean I'm a control freak?) But, oh the lessons I'm learning.

1. Faith and Peace: Even though we are still not positive about jobs, where we are going to live, or what school my children will go to school,  (Although we have a face time meeting with our realtor today (Friday) to decide between two places) there is a peace that passes my understanding. Because, let's be honest, I'm a control freak (see first paragraph) and the only explanation for this peace I'm feeling comes from begin grounded in something greater that me.

2. Maslow's hierarchy: I have been fortunate my entire life to have the bottom two (most important needs met for me ALWAYS (Physiological and Safety). I have never worried about where I will get food or where I will lay my head. I still don't. This is privileged. However, in this moving process it has made me empathetic to those families and students I have taught that those needs are not met as quickly as mine. David and I are educators, we will never make a TON of money, but we will always make enough. However, as we've looked at housing and where we will be SAFE for our children with good schools, zip code matters. (This is not something new, and I've always known this I'm just feeling it more now and growing through this experience)  And you know what, the schools that are not rated as high are cheaper places to live. The schools that are rated the highest, we can't afford to live in. To get into a decent apartment many of the complexes have rules that your monthly gross income must be 3-4 times the amount of what the rent is. That means if rent is $2,000 you must make at least $6,000 a month. For some of you, that may be easy. For us, it was an eye opener. I know that housing costs are housing costs and we can't do much to change that. But, it opened my eyes a little more to equity, specifically equity in schools. It sparked something in me. I don't know what I will do with this. Maybe I'll start lobbying, but I know that it is something that isn't sitting right, and that usually means I need to do something with it. I must also be transparent in telling you that the two places we are looking at today are in affluent areas. (We will live in the less affluent teacher housing :) But, we will be fine with a good school for our kids. This paragraph is a little rambling, but I had to get it down. Maybe this will hold me accountable to do something with it.

3. Feelings: "Remember it is okay to feel how you feel then take a big breath and try again. You are strong!"  Ya'll, I am crying as I type those words. That is a direct quote from a letter my three year old's teacher wrote her on her last day of school. Her teacher made an acrostic poem for her with sweet, sweet little paragraphs about WHO Eleanor is. Ya'll I'm still crying thinking about it.  Just check out the picture below. Her teacher did this for her! I am sorry to my students that I've never done this for you. But, those words underlined in yellow were a gift TO ME on Thursday. When I picked Eleanor up on Thursday, I was a mess. Not crying at her school, but on the verge. Part of it was because leaving the awesome CDC at Texas State is hard. That place has loved us well, and we will be forever grateful for the foundation it has given both of our kids. I saw this poem, and then I took the time to read it when we got home. I read those words: "Remember it is okay to feel how you feel then take a big breath and try again. You are strong!" Those words were written for Eleanor and her big feelings, but they were also written for me to read on Thursday afternoon. So, I let myself cry then I took a deep breath and said I will try again. Then, my sweet, sweet Fletcher (who saw me balling on the couch) came and gave me the biggest hug. He said, "I'm sad too mom, but at least we will be together in Pennsylvania." (Ok...cue more tears even as I type. Why are kids so awesome!?!) Then, I said that's right buddy and we are strong! So there you go. I will keep this poem forever! (Side note: David and I joke that we will need to read these kind words about Eleanor when she is driving us insane :) )  

So here is what was on my mind, and what I'm learning. I'm going to go feel how I feel and remember that I am strong. Remember that you are too! 

Why Pennsylvania

Well, here it is. I am writing words for others to read. It makes me a little nervous because --who am I to think that my words are worth reading. But, here I am. The Hunt family is going through a big move, and this will be a great way for me to document the craziness. (One thing I have learned in this process is...we are a little crazy!)

So, why Pennsylvania? This is the question I get most often. And my answer....I don't know? At the beginning of June I was interviewing and eventually accepted a position as an Assistant Principal in my district. At the same time, David got a call from Immaculata University in  Malvern, Pennsylvania. So, I just got a job as an AP and Daivd was like...we might move. I thought, NAAAH  and just kept going. He went to the interview, and came home all smiles. I couldn't say it out loud, but when he got home I thought "I'm about to move to Pennsylvania". So, I grabbed a map and found out where exactly Pennsylvania was because, let's be honest, I never thought I would be moving there and knew it was up there somewhere but not really sure where. :)

So, we had a decision to make.....Do we stay where I have a great job waiting, we have a great community, and our kids are flourishing and happy. Or, do we move across the country for less money but an incredible opportunity for David, where we don't know anyone, and we think I will get a job but aren't really sure?!? (That's an easy decision, right?)  So, we began hashing it out, making pros and con lists, calling people, and I cried...a lot! :) Then, like any loving wife I said I just can't. My husband understood the sacrifice he was asking me to make and accepted it. It was hard for him, but he understood.  So, that was the plan....but then something hit me. I can't really explain it, maybe it was the Holy Spirit, maybe it was guilt, maybe it was a little of both. But, it was hard and I couldn't talk my way out of it. So, we decided no. Then, the next day I said, "WAIT". "Let's keep talking". David said "Maggie, this is like a bad breakup, you can't keep doing this to me!" I was like, "I know, I know" but I think we need to go".  (Cue: tears....lots and lots of tears as I was saying this). David, being the understanding, loving guy he is said. "It's ok if the answer is no. I just need to be sad for a little bit and you can't make a decision because you feel guilty for me." But, that wasn't it....it was something I can't explain.

You see, I needed time to mourn what I was leaving. I needed time to process that this is probably going to be my reality. I am still processing all the moving pieces that are happening to make this a reality. (moving trucks, and jobs for me, and housing, and schools for kids...etc...so MUCH!)

I also had to mourn the community I was losing. First, FAMILY. Ya'll that is the hardest! We have family in TEXAS and a few in Oklahoma and that is it. Why would we move 24 hours away?!? I know lots of people do it but, not me! Second, Community here. Seriously yall! I have some of the best neighbors, friends, and colleagues.  When I moved here, I though there is no way it can be better than my people in Abilene. (Abilene peeps, you are still some of the best...don't get me wrong) But, the point is, I was surrounded by people like you. People I called at 3 in the morning to go to the store for me when everyone in my house was throwing up. People at work that became some of my best friends! People at our Texas State community that took our kids and made them one of their own. Seriously, it can't get better..

But, you know what??? David and I just got back from a trip to Pennsylvania for me to interview and find a place to live. And...the people there were welcoming and awesome and made us not feel like we aren't crazy for deciding to leave what we know and move across the country to a place we don't know ANYONE! (Seriously, we are crazy!) They took time to talk to us and process about living and jobs and time.

So, I'm still scared to death. We have a lot that needs to fall in place in the next two weeks. Like, where are we going to live????? Seriously, we still don't have a place. I have a second interview next week for a job I'm trying not to get too excited about but would LOVE.  And, we want to soak up the last few weeks we have in Texas with our family and friends.

It is coming together. It is hard, crazy hard. But, it is good. If you've read this far, thank you! I will keep writing and hopefully post some pictures of this beautiful state we are moving to. Seriously, our visit was beautiful. Last week I was talking with a friend and I said, " I need to just get over it, people move like this all the time and I need to suck it up and do it, it's not that hard." She said, "Yes, but you are allowed to be sad, and stressed, and overwhelmed. You are allowed to feel those emotions and that is ok" (Thanks Kaye :) That was the best advice I could have at the time. So, I'm going to be sad and excited and scared and feel a little crazy most of the time. But, things are falling into place and I'm thankful we are about to take this adventure!

Ok...I'm going to try and find us a place to live. Seriously....this is stressing me out!!! Where are we going to move our stuff?!?!